The Journey to Happiness: Self-Love and Gratitude
Over the past two decades, I’ve spoken to thousands of people about things like self-confidence, leadership and resilience. Through it all, I’ve seen so many struggle with the same issues: a lack of confidence, struggles with identity, uncertainty about what matters most to them in life and so much more.
Whether I’m talking to high school students, working with clients or talking to my team of dancers, I hear about similar roadblocks that keep them from being truly happy.
After hearing from so many about their struggles and gaining insight from my own experiences, I’ve boiled down ‘how to be happy’ into three questions. The first of which seems pretty simple:
Who are you?
Well, what’s your answer? What defines you? What do you stand for?
As it turns out, “Who are you?” is far from a simple question. When I was younger, I had a ton of trouble answering it myself. As a senior at the University of Illinois, my ‘dream’ was to attend Northwestern Law School and become a world-famous sports agent.
Long story short, I discovered my true passions, skipped the LSAT and started an entertainment company out of my parents basement. Everything I had thought about myself was wrong.
Examining the passions, beliefs and values that make up who you are isn’t easy, but once you start to define who you are and what’s important to you, you can start changing, evolving, improving and dreaming big!
The first step is knowing who you already are and loving yourself that way. In other words, you need self-love.
In his book, “You Were Not Born to Suffer,” my friend Blake Bauer hammers this idea home:
Loving yourself is the key to happiness, freedom and a successful life.
How do I define self-love?
Self-love is being true to yourself. It’s being forgiving, and valuing yourself enough to make smart, independent decisions. It’s knowing that your self-worth doesn’t rely on other people, and embracing what makes you different. It doesn’t mean that you’re better than anyone else, but it also means that no one is better than you.
Sometimes self-love might feel difficult, and that’s okay. Life is tough. You’re going to experience roadblocks that make you feel emotions like doubt, anger, frustration and sadness.
What I propose is that in times of struggle and self-doubt - instead of just waiting and hoping to feel different - you take action and do your best to step back, see the bigger picture and establish a sense of happiness, self-love and appreciation.
Loving yourself is a choice. Society conditions us to think that we need to be better. Of course, we could all eat healthier, read more books, make more money and wear nicer clothes - but you can’t compare yourself to other people! Your life is your life is your life!
Here’s a short exercise that you can use to create a positive mental headspace of happiness and appreciation.
I’m a huge proponent of therapy - if you think you need to talk to a professional, don’t hesitate. Recognizing what you need and talking action is one of the most admirable things you can do. Therapy is one of the tools I use to stay positive and live my best life. So if it works for you, do it! That being said, this is not a substitution for professional help, just a quick morning exercise to help you get in the right headspace and become more self-confident and appreciative of life!
My Gratefulness & Self-Love Morning Routine
The first week of every month, choose a day to wake up 15-20 minutes early.
Go through your normal routine (You should have a morning routine. Mine is guided meditation > coffee > workout. Find what works best for you and stick to it!)
Time to use those extra 15-20 minutes. After your morning routine, grab a piece of paper and a pen (or download this worksheet). Find a quiet place to sit down.
On the top half of the paper, write down these questions (with room for answers):
What is my story? (Scars and defining moments included.)
What is my unique ability? (Think superpower. Mine was motivating people.)
How do I feel about myself? Why?
Do I love myself unconditionally? (If not, why do I feel this way? Is there anything concrete and immediate I can do about it?)
Why do I deserve self-love?
Try and answer these questions to the best of your ability. If you get stuck on an answer, move on to the next one. This shouldn’t be easy so don’t stress if you can’t complete it on your first try. After 5-7 minutes, stop.
Move on to the bottom half of the page. List everything for which you are currently grateful. When you choose to be grateful, you put positive energy out into the world. If you’re not feeling grateful, forcing yourself to think and actively write this down is a perfect way to act grateful. This will create a grateful state of mind and help keep small bumps in the road in perspective. If you hit a mental roadblock, use these keywords to help jog your thoughts:
Family, friends, health, business, clients, staff, partners, music, nature, love, spirit, knowledge, books, your unique journey
After 5-7 minutes, stop.
Now that you’ve stepped back and thought about the big picture - what you’re truly grateful for in life - go back and spend the last 5-7 minutes filling-in and re-answering the top half of your page. When you finish, you should feel confident! You took action to see the bigger picture and establish a sense of happiness, self-love and appreciation for life. Remember, the first step in defining who you are is loving yourself as you are.
If you’d like a print-out or want to complete this exercise on a laptop or tablet, download my Self-Love & Gratefulness Worksheet here!
I always look forward to hearing from people who benefit from my exercises, so please reach out to me at jeffbizar@gmail.com and let me know your thoughts and how this worked for you!